The struggles

To pause for a minute on complications from pregnancy and delivery and it does continue:-( I want to reflect for a minute of one of the hugest struggles anyone will ever face and unfortunately we all will have this challenge. That's losing a loved one. As a child, a neighbor lady once died. It was sad for that moment, but life continued. I lost my only grandpa I knew at age 6. Reflecting back, I only have memories of him being ill with an oxygen tube down his nose. I don't recall that changing my life much. I quickly overcame it not realizing the impact his death had on others. Now as an adult and having experienced the loss of my father, followed by my granmda less then a year later, and a year after that my last grandma. I didn't think it would ever stop. Then I remembered how I've heard bad things happen in three. I was reassured a little bit that maybe we'd get a break from funerals. Tomorrow-Saturday, April 17th marks my father's 8 year anniversary of his death. Even to this day, I struggle with the entire month of April-tears fill my eyes as I relive those last few days with him, watching him slip away. Once full of life and now just a few weeks into his 53rd year of life, it's cut short. Way too short. He's missed out on so much and we all have for losing him so young. Losing a loved one-child, parent, sibling, spouse, whatever is the biggest challenge I believe ever. So as you are all sitting there pausing for a moment on how difficult life is because it's raining or you have to pay in taxes, whatever it is, please take a moment to think about all of the sick fighting for their life and the families that are affected.

Give it time! Loss of life

How many times have we heard that famous line, "Give it time!" And you just want to scream at the person who says it. Like they know from their personal experiences what you're going through and how sometimes that just doesn't apply. Some day or several days, months, or maybe even years, you'll look back and realize that by giving something time, you can make heads or tails of what happened and the reason for it.

Real life example: I had just graduated from college with a BS in elementary education. Applying for jobs and eager to start my life. A twist in the road, I soon was pregnant. I had been with the baby's father for a couple of years and were looking to settle down. It just didn't quite happen in the order I had wanted. A blessing from above nonetheless. The pregnancy started out tough. Extreme cramping soon found it's way to me and brought a visit into the ER. Pregnant and my body's way of dealing with it. I continued with the normal prenatal visits and tests. The first appointment to confirm my baby's due date should have been a joyous experience. It soon turned into something much scarier. The doctor couldn't find the baby. Blood tests soon showed the pregnancy hormone had decreased. I had lost the baby. I went into a deep depression, wondering what I had done to cause the death of this tiny being. I didn't smoke, drink, or do drugs. Maybe not the healthiest of eaters and exercising wasn't a high priority at the time. I couldn't help but to wonder what I did wrong. Why would this happen to me. Why would anyone have to go through the joyous experience of being pregnant, to only have it end so abruptly? I didn't know it at the time, but I would soon get my answer. Not years away, but a few short weeks I would start to get my answers. Stay tuned for part 2.