Another hurdle

Just when you think things are going ok, oh no. Take a step back. It's like Father of the Bride Part 2 where George is happy, life is good, and then a surprise. Having struggled through our 5 year old's surgery and recovery, I was thinking life was ok. Soon, one morning as I was getting ready for work, I noticed 2 of our 4 goldfish dead. I didn't have time to deal with fishing them out and disposing of them so I left a note for my husband to take care of it when he got home. He works overnights so thinking he could do it right away in the morning before he went to bed. I went into work and got the same old same old question "hey, how's it going?" Rather then politely saying good, I instead went off on what a horrible morning I was having, looking at some disgusting dead fish floating in the tank. Like this is the end of the world, NOT! It was just the start of a really, really bad day. I knew the lesson learned is don't complain over the little things, as life can be worse. Soon after my husband got home, I got a phone call telling me to get home & asap; take him to the ER. He was having all of the symptoms of a heart attack. He's young, just turned 42 but is overweight and does smoke so I take this very seriously and rush home. After a few hours in the ER, they tell us they're moving him to a 24 observation room for his heart. They've done a blood test & have him hooked up to monitors, a little nitro here and there. My cell phone doesn't work in the ER with all of the machines and there was no phone in the room we were in, so I would periodically go out and phone home to check on our three boys at home. Our baby was in daycare so knew he was just fine. A couple hours after that I thought I better let daycare know where I am should something come up with our baby. It rarely does, but just when you think that, then something does come up. My husband of course told me I overreact, but go make the phone call anyways. I called daycare and left a message where I was but it was difficult to reach me. I then called home to check in and the boys told me daycare had called trying to reach me. Oh my gosh! Talk about panic. I called daycare's cell phone and finally got a hold of her. She was sick and needed me to pick up our baby asap. They got my husband situated in the observation room so I left my cell phone and told them I'd be back as soon as I could figure out daycare for my baby. I got home with him. My mom who is retired was on a trip out of state. I couldn't reach my sister. I had no other options. My oldest child is 13 but he hasn't mastered the whole changing diapers thing yet so I called my very nice retired neighbors to come over. They did immediately so I was able to rush back to the hospital. I did eventually get a hold of my sister who later in the afternoon came into town to pick up my four boys and take them home with her for the night. When I got back to the hospital, I was surprised to see my husband getting ready to be wheeled out of the room. Where might we be taking him? I asked. The nurse said he was experiencing quite a bit more chest pain and the doctors weren't able to monitor him as close as he needs it so they were moving him to a cardiac unit so he could be closely monitored. Why nobody bothered to call me, I don't get. So he was moved to a cardiac unit with a continuos nitro drip started. We were told they'd do a series of heart tests but wouldn't get an answer as to what it is until the following afternoon when all results were in. Wow, I'm suppose to wait a full day not knowing what is going on with my husband. How scary is that. After being up to the hospital the entire day, nothing to eat or drink, I decided around 10:30 pm to head home & get some sleep. I'm 7 minutes from the hospital and left my home and cell number with them. Once I got home, I had three dead fish to deal with and a very empty house. It has been since my child's surgery since I've had a good cry, but soon another one came on. This was the first night my baby has ever been away from me. Granted, he was10 months old, but still, I had never been away from he overnight. I couldn't sleep, which probably turned out ok as I got a call from my husband a little before midnight to come back up to the hospital as he wasn't feeling right at all.

So from complaining about a couple dead fish to a husband in the hospital, no daycare for my baby, and the first night away from my baby, this was the end to a horrible day that I'll never complain about something so petty as dead fish. I was shown life can get worse. Lesson to be learned...don't complain about the petty things or as a famous book title is "Don't sweat the small stuff". Live by that.

Another hurdle jumped

Another hurdle jumped. It's been almost 2 weeks since my precious 5 year old underwent surgery for a ventricular hernia repair. The one hour outpatient surgery was delayed until late morning due to his first patient showing up late. So challening to reassure your child that "it's almost your turn and I know you're hungry". After a while, those words mean nothing. Finally, after being in two different waiting rooms for nearly 4 1/2 hours, we took the extremely long walk to the OR room. It was nice that I could accompany my son to the OR room and hold him until he was asleep. He was so incredibly brave. He didn't cry at all and cooperate with the mask and breathing in the "special air" that makes him sleepy. Leaving him in the OR with a complete strangers and just entrusting that they know what they're doing made me so nervous. That had to have been one of the hardest moments in my life. I wanted to desperately cry and felt a tear come down my cheek as I walked back to the waiting room to wait patiently with my husband. And the wait began. We were given a patient id number so we could view the progress on a monitor. We could see when he was brought into the OR and when the procedure began. We watched how other patients' status switched from "procedure began" to "procedure completed....patient exited OR...patient entered recovery". The one hour went to two hours and then some concerns. After checking with the control desk three times, we were finally informed that the tiny hernia was actually much larger and more extensive. I left my precious child at 12pm in the OR and at 5:07pm, finally his status switched to "procedure finished". I had such a huge relief come over me when I was told he was moved to the recovery room and we could sit with him while he was waking up. I'm a very patient person, but this 1 hour outpatient procedure we were told was just a little worse then a hang nail soon became an ulcer bearing stressful situation that turned in to over 5 hours in the OR and an overnight hospital stay. Grandma came up to the hospital when he was moved to his room in the Peds unit. She started crying at seeing how droopy his eyes were and the IV. I pulled myself together and rather then crying with her, I told her to suck it up. He's 5 and bravely walked into the OR and allowed the surgeons to do their job.If he was brave enough not to cry at all, then it wasn't ok for us either. She pulled it together and sat there in support. This was my third child that required surgery. My first son had surgery at 7 mos old to repair a club foot. My second son had surgery at 7 weeks old for Pyloric Stenosis. You'd think that after having these experiences that I was more prepared. I definately knew the routine of how it all was to go, but I expected it a little easier to leave him with the surgeons. It was though, by far, the most difficult one. I think it was because he was older and we had to explain to him what was going to happen. Reassure him he'd be just fine. When my other two boys were babies, they didn't know what was going to happen so I didn't have that part to deal with. It was still very difficult to hand them over to the surgeons. I think the difference was also seeing how incredibly brave my son was, not shedding a tear at all. I was so proud of him. He may never know just how proud I was and how brave he was.

He is on the road to recovery now. Despite this bump turned into a huge pothole with it being much more extensive, I reminded myself how lucky I should be that what he has it fixable. With time, he'll be just fine. That isn't the case with all of the children needing surgery. Maybe it's a cancer or a transplant and their immediate future is uncertain. I just tried to hold onto hope as I not so patiently waited for his procedure to be completed.

I know there is a lesson to be learned from this experience and it may be awhile before I figure it out, but for now-a lesson to you all....Love your kids unconditionally and don't ever take a single day for granted. I'm just as guilty as the rest-"oh I'm busy, we'll play this in a few minutes", but a few minutes takes days, weeks, or months to come. Take that moment to make a lasting memory. It's worth it!

Have Faith

Still in a bit of shock of the news of my just turned 5 year old needing surgery. I can see the hernia hiding inside and how tough is it to tell your overly active  5 year old boy to take it easy. Best of luck on getting that to happen. The appt is set for next Tuesday.  So things looking down-dealing with this, dealing with the anniversary of my dad's death and sick of living pay check to pay check. Finally a glimmer of hope-the streamline financing loan looks promising and will help to save $125/mo and lower 1% interest. I know for some people, they think not a big deal. When you live check to check, this is an awesome thing. I really believe in positive thinking. I know that I can't help but have my son's health problems in teh back of my little head and it consumes me right now, but this was a pleasant distraction. Even if it was for a short pause. Lesson to learn-keep looking and holding out for hope-things will get better and you'll make it through. Just see.

Another Life lesson-healthy kids-don't take this for granted

After a visit to the ER last night with my five year old son, and a couple hours later, he was diagnosed with an abdominal hernia. He's 5...really? Yes-not common, but can happen. I was so excited when baby number 3 came along and we got through the first year of life and no surgeries-wow. My first two babies both had surgeries as infants-fluke things-just like this. Now my always healthy 5 year old has been referred to pediatric surgery to fix it. The thought of handing over my son to a complete stranger-the anthestisioligist (now sure I spelled that correctly-blame it on lack of sleep) makes me nervous. I know it's a surgery that has been done before, but it's hard to not feel a bit worry on the thought of your child's life in someone else's hands. I never took for granted when my children are healthy. Having dealt with surgeris with my first two sons, a brain infection, bronchitis, this is dealable I know. People don't ever stop to count their blessings that they have healthy children until one becomes sick. Please learn this lesson now and not when you have to. Your children are precious. Enjoy time being spent with them and appreciate each day they give you a smile and happy to be healthy.

Another year, another day

Eight years gone, but not forgotten. RIP dad. It never fails. To this day, eight years later, I still struggle with this challenge-the toughest challenge in life. We all take life for granted. We don't stop to smell the roses or listen to the rain fall. We're consumed with work, families, getting kids to practice, housework, whatever. But when it's all gone and life is over, you'll look back and see the sad face of your five year old because you didn't take the time to play a game with him. The laundry needed to get done that time. Does the laundry care if you put it off an hour or a day? I'm just as guilty as everyone else-another time, another day-sweetie-will get to it tomorrow. But what it tomorrow never comes? Don't live your life in regrets. Pay attention to your loved ones and put their needs first before housework. The work can wait, but the satisfying smile of a game cannot. It's been a tough weekend, this coming from a daddy's girl and knowing the day he died, my life would forever change. I've learned to smile and not worry about little things. I've learned to appreciate life-the good and the bad and make the best out of what I have. I owe it all to him-the positive attitude he gave me. I hope as he watches over me, that he'd be proud of who I've become and hopefully with his guidance, will continue to grow and give back all he gave me.

The struggles

To pause for a minute on complications from pregnancy and delivery and it does continue:-( I want to reflect for a minute of one of the hugest struggles anyone will ever face and unfortunately we all will have this challenge. That's losing a loved one. As a child, a neighbor lady once died. It was sad for that moment, but life continued. I lost my only grandpa I knew at age 6. Reflecting back, I only have memories of him being ill with an oxygen tube down his nose. I don't recall that changing my life much. I quickly overcame it not realizing the impact his death had on others. Now as an adult and having experienced the loss of my father, followed by my granmda less then a year later, and a year after that my last grandma. I didn't think it would ever stop. Then I remembered how I've heard bad things happen in three. I was reassured a little bit that maybe we'd get a break from funerals. Tomorrow-Saturday, April 17th marks my father's 8 year anniversary of his death. Even to this day, I struggle with the entire month of April-tears fill my eyes as I relive those last few days with him, watching him slip away. Once full of life and now just a few weeks into his 53rd year of life, it's cut short. Way too short. He's missed out on so much and we all have for losing him so young. Losing a loved one-child, parent, sibling, spouse, whatever is the biggest challenge I believe ever. So as you are all sitting there pausing for a moment on how difficult life is because it's raining or you have to pay in taxes, whatever it is, please take a moment to think about all of the sick fighting for their life and the families that are affected.

Transverse/ECV Procedure

For all of you pregnant soon-to-be or already experienced mommies, you do not ever want to hear that your baby is laying sideways in you (transverse). I read about it in the "What to Expect When Expecting" book (a total must have book for any pregnant women). I never really knew it would mean anything to me though. On my week 37 normal appointment, I learned just that.My baby was transverse. They confirm it with just a portable ultrasound. There was literally a booklet of information I had to read through to make an informative decision on what to do. I could do nothing and hope the baby will turn on it's own, I could have a procedure called ECV (External Cephalic Version), I could just schedule a planned C-section at 39 weeks. What to do. This was my 4th baby and my last. All of my other babies were born naturally and without any complications. Please don't ever take that for granted. I didn't really want to have to experience a C-section if I didn't have to so do I go for the ECV or do I wait it out and hope the baby moves. My very experienced mid-wife told me that I was almost 38 weeks now and the likelihood of the baby moving on it's own is pretty unlikely considering the baby has been in that position most of it's time. Also, the longer I wait to make a decision, the worse my chances become of it being successful. The baby gets bigger and less amniotic fluid so pushing the baby into the correct position is more difficult. Right now, they gave me at 75% success rate. You'd think that's good and go for it, but read the fine print on the possible side effects. Small percents for all between 1-5% but the risks can be so severe-to the point of causing death to the baby. Is it worth it? If you're faced with this kind of decision, read all of the information out there, meet with the OB doctor that will perform it, ask them their success rate, how many or what type of complications have they experienced. If you do make the decision to do this, look at what they'll do if it's succesful. There is the possibility that if the procedure works, baby could turn back into the transverse position again. Can they induce right after the procedure? This procedure is done in labor and delivery units by experienced OB doctors. They do monitor both mom and baby before and after the procedure. I had a tough decision to make. My husband was leaning towards having it as the side effects of a major surgery he thought were worse then the small percent of the procedure. What a tough decision.

Is there an end to labor?

Having babies is a huge eventful life and you really never know how lucky you are when you're holding your beautiful bundle of joy. What kind of miracle is it that you've created this beautiful little being and how miraculous is it when they enter the world. A new mom and dad should never take for granted the miracle of life. It's really easy to. I had three beautiful boys before conceiving baby number four. The pregnancy was full of ups and downs really testing my faith and knowing everything will be fine. Now in labor, not feeling it much with the epidural, awaiting to know what am I having. Deep down it didn't matter though. The few hours of labor day that started at 3pm on Labor Day soon went into the early evening, late evening, the next morning. Where is my baby? Not ready to join us yet. This experience of nearly 20 hours of labor is one I'll never forget. A life lesson was learned that day. Please don't ever take for granted a healthy baby and uneventful delivery you have. Sadly, I did on my first three. The pregnancies were uneventful-a little weight gain with some cravings, morning sickness, but overall, a great experience. Baby four brought the experience of weight gain, to getational diabetes, to weight loss, to misdiagnosis of gestational diabetes, to elevated blood pressure, and now a baby that has been lying transverse the entire time. I was so proud that I overcame all of the ups and downs this pregnancy had that I wasn't prepared for what other curves and bumps life just handed me. Not many people know how truly blessed I am to have a beautiful baby and how many people it took to see that it turned out that way. It still brings tears to my eyes as I relive those 4 days in the hospital.

The joy of labor

As a now mom of four beautiful boys, I feel incredibly sad for all of those women out there who can't or never will for whatever reason, be able to experience the miracle of childbirth. Each experience is so different, but the end result is hopefully the same, a beautiful baby.

There was no stopping it. Labor day this year meant labor day-time for the baby to be born. Despite not being mentally prepared for this incredible experience, it became oh so real when I put on the horrible hospital gown and saw the I.V. starting in my arm. Here comes the pitocin. I knew there was no turning back now. My life and family is about to change again. I was excited to finally meet this bundle of joy that had been kicking me for the past 9 months. We all were anxiously awaiting to "open the present" if you will to see if we were blessed with a son or a daughter. I was never picky in my years of being pregnant. All I ever hoped for was a healthy baby. Shortly after the EVC procedure was deemed successful, the pitocin was started and the contractions were on their way. Hour after hour passed...4pm, 7 pm, reading through baby books trying to find that perfect boy name we hadn't found yet. I kept thinking, no pressure, but well I was only fooling myself, as his birth was now inevitable and soon. We finally gave up with finding the perfect name at 1am Tuesday, Sept 8th. I just couldn't look at weird names anymore. The pain was really intense. The one shot of a pain killer at 11pm just didn't work very long. I had never had an epidural before, but I knew this baby will be my last, my pain was horrible, and let's have a new experience. An epidural is a personal choice, so I'm not saying it's right for everyone. I don't regret my childbirth experiences with my other 3 children at all. Each one was different and special in it's own way. I recieved an epidural shortly after 1am. It was a different experience getting a needle placed in your back. A little awkard feeling placing the needle catheter, but the end result was so worth it! They asked if I could feel that contraction. My reply, "What contraction?" How awesome of a feeling is that? Having no pain still doesn't alleviate the worries of wanting everything to go smoothly. As any of you know who have received Pitocin, it has it's downs, and my baby's heartrate was one of them.